Monday March 16th
Church bells rang out this morning and I was filled with longing. I suddenly wanted to sing hymns, smell the fragrance of fresh flowers, and hear the comforting words of t;he Eucharist.I missed church yesterday. I was buried under piles of sheets and blankets wrestling with the flu. I slept for almost two days.
This morning, I'm listening to hymns on my computer sung by famous choirs with four strong parts and boy sopranos to sing the descants. Our congregation never sounds like this but somehow as we sing these familiar hymns, you can hear the saints join in and there is a fullness; the angel choir fills in the spaces.
I have felt a compulsion to be in church since i was a child. My family was not religious and so i rebelled by attending church (rebel without a clue). I don't know if that is true. I do know that I loved going to church. i loved the was the music sounded, I loved the way the church smelled, I loved the cool tile floor on the warm spring days, I loved entering the mysterious darkness from the blinding light. I loved the party that happened each week. I loved that I could come in a nobody and i was welcomed like a somebody. I loved being fed. I felt included, transformed, invited and sent forth to do Christ's work.
I realize in writing this that i miss being part of the congregation. now, that I am the eader every Sunday, I miss the opportunity of coming expecting to hear some refreshing challenging words and to sit with others and to receive the gift of Christ's body and blood to be renewed, to feel Gd inside of me. I don't feel complete when I'm not in church. Don't get me wrong, I love leading worship. But I wish sometimes I could be I the congregation of a worship service I was leading.
Beyond all of my strange longings, I had worked on a sermon which I was beginning to like a great deal but now i won't be able to see how it turns our because it is a new week and I have new readings to interpret Ah well.....the central theme is the first commandment comes out of God's love for us. "I am your God who brought you out of slavery in Egypt, you shall have no gods before me." I am your God, I acted in history for you. I want you to be my people. Perhaps in three years when the lectionary cycle comes around again, I will find out how I would conclude this sermon. For now, I am busy being part of this week and preparing for next Sunday.
Blessings, Karen
